"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and place because you'll never be this way ever again."
I've been back home for about 2 and a half weeks now, and this is the first time I could even think of bringing myself to blogging about my last couple weeks in Rome. It may sound stupid or ungrateful or dramatic or whatever you want to call it, but since I've been home, all I've felt is Rome-sick. I mean, the excitement of seeing the family and sharing my adventures was great, but aside from that, I feel a huge part of myself missing. It's almost like my body is here, but truly, a large part of my heart is still in Rome. The above quote has never mirrored my feelings so well. It's an overall sadness (and even depression at times); but not of something sad necessarily, but one of longing for something that was so, so good. A longing to return to the city I came to know as another home.
After our trip to Munich and Salzburg, the final weeks of class were upon us with finals soon to follow. One of my friends Anna said that in the end, it would probably be that last week or two that we'd remember most, so what did we want to remember it for? Now, I'm not saying that we didn't study for finals, but we didn't labor over them, knowing that our last days would be much better spent exploring Rome than sitting inside over books. Especially since our last weeks in the eternal city were absolutely beautiful, with all rain-free 70-75 degree sunny days! How could you not be outside?! And in the end, finals turned out just fine, but more importantly, our last weeks were incredibly perfect.
The day before finals started, Ana and I went on our Scavi tour of the excavations beneath St. Peter's Basilica. Less than 200 people are allowed on the tour per day and they must be booked at least two months in advance, so we were lucky to get one while we were there. Only a portion of the excavations have been finished, but what has been found is an incredible centuries-old necropolis (underground burials) that contains the tomb of St. Peter. Of course this is the reason that St. Peter's Basilica is where it is located now, and the main altar of the basilica (which has of course changed over tiome) has always remained directly over the spot known to be St. Peter's grave. There is now a small box containing his bones to mark that place, which is just slightly visible through the glass screening. It felt so unreal to be standing so close to the relics of Church's first Pope, having been about the same distance from our current Pope. Unfortunately no pictures are allowed on the tour, so this is just one that you have to go see for yourself. Definitely a do-not-miss that ranks among the top things I have done in Rome.
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| Ana and me post-Scavi tour |
The greatest part about the last few weeks was just walking around to the various parts of the city with the girls. One of our favorite hangouts is on the Aventine Hill, in the orange gardens which have a gorgeous view of the city. We spent afternoons up there lounging in the sun and getting our studying done, and evenings overlooking the city at sunset while drinking champagne right out of the bottle! :) Each day we just spent hours there, talking about our favorite moments of the semester, what it would be like to leave, and how much we were going to miss each other and our city.
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| I LOVE ROME |
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| Spumante + amiche + perfect views of Rome? Doesn't get much better than this! |
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| On top of the world |
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| Smick sisters <3 |
While we weren't "sitting on the top of the world," as we called it, we took strolls around the city, taking in the buzz of everyday Italian life. I ventured in a few churches I had yet to visit (I by no means went to all the churches in Rome, but I definitely put a dent in the list this year!), including St. Peter in Chains which contains Michelangelo's
Moses as well as the chains that held St. Peter captive in the Mamertine prison. Another day I walked around the Colosseum, Forum, and Circus Maximus; and yet another day I strolled along the Tevere to Piazza del Popolo and Villa Borghese, all the while savoring the sights, sounds, and smells with which I have come to be so familiar. On one such occasion I journaled my sentiments in order to document the emotion that accompanied leaving:
Trying to wrap my mind around leaving Rome is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's a bright, warm Wednesday afternoon, and here I sit on the steps of the obelisk in Piazza del Popolo, looking through the three "windows" that open up into the heart of this magnificent city. All around me, I see tourists and locals alike, hear various languages and dialects, and witness the expressions on peoples' faces as they take in--for perhaps the first time or the hundredth--yet another of Rome's great wonders.
I am reminded of my first few days here back in October. The air then was warm as well; tourists filled the city; and I marveled at the liveliness of everyday life here, just as I do now. And yet, something is different--not in Rome itself, for this is a city that is eternal--but rather, in me. People speak of gaining confidence and a greater sense of independence by studying abroad, and while this was something I looked forward to, I had no idea exactly how it would play out. I had no idea that this city would sweep me off my feet and in the process, spark in me a curiosity and sense of adventure unlike ever before.
Since day one, this curiosity has led me to take daily walks around different parts of the city. In the beginning, I got lost often and stumbled over my words when asked for directions in Italian. Every day held a new discovery--and even returning to some of the same places felt new each time when approached from a different angle. Over time, I started to make connections to things and places I had seen previously, and before I knew it, I could navigate Rome like the back of my hand. I became a part of Rome, and in turn, Rome became a major part of me.
Rome is home to me now. As I ordered a panino in Italian today; walked around Campo dei Fiori savoring the salty prosciutto and fresh mozzarella; negotiated the price of a souvenir purchase with an Italian street vendor; sauntered along the Tevere, past the Ara Pacis and Castel Sant'Angelo, into Piazza del Popolo, I realized just how comfortable I am here. I have taken ownership of this place and I love who I am when I'm in it. Perhaps that's what I'm afraid of losing. While I am excited to return home, hopefully intern in a city for the summer, and then return to Saint Mary's in the fall, I can't help but feel nervous to leave what has become my new comfort zone. How will I integrate the person I have become here into this future me? Will I become complacent with daily life at home and school? Will I still actively count my blessings and seek a deeper faith life? Will I appreciate walks around town and really try to see newness in the old and familiar? I'm at another turning point in life, and I suppose it's natural to have to questions. It's hard to believe that anything in the future could possibly be better than what I have right now, because, let's face it--I have a fabulous life here.
When asked about the city upon my return to the States, all I will be able to say is the following: This is a city that speaks for itself. No single word, picture, movie, or song can capture the essence of Rome. You just have to experience it for yourself. It won't be long before you, too, are swept off your feet.
Rereading my words now, I am almost transported back to that day and time by the sheer power of memory. And, as I've been told, memory is what I live off of now. The pictures, the blog posts, conversations with my friends, the random ticket stubs and souvenirs---that's what will keep me going, and that's what will keep the person I was in Rome alive in my heart, both today and forever.
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| Colosseo loving |
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| So beautiful |
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| Piazza del Popolo |
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| Rome in a nutshell :) |
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| Walks along the Tevere |
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| Literally on my way between the Tiz and school |
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| St. Peter in Chains church |
As expected, and just like fall semester, the last few weeks were filled with several "last" moments, all of which we of course documented in photos. Our last Angelus. Our last time at Pascucci (SUCH a hard goodbye). Our last Godsquad and mass with the deacons. Our last dinner at Giuseppe's. Our last trip to the Fridge for gelato. Just thinking about all of it makes me want to cry :(
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| Last Godsquad |
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| Miss this backyard |
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| Fridgidarium...my last gelato in Italia |
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| Final Sunday mass with the deacons |
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| Last Sunday Angelus with Papa Francesco |
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| Pascucci, ci vediamo! |
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| Saying goodbye to a few of our Pascucci friends, Bruno and Patrizio :( |
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| Last caffe latte...quite possibly the saddest thing ever |
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| Going out with a bang on our final night with Giuseppe! |
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| Giuseppe even bought us all flowers from the rose sellers! |
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| Dancing in the cobblestone streets on our last night |
During our final weeks, we also learned of the news that the Hotel Tiziano is shutting down and being renovated into a new hotel, and the Saint Mary's Rome Program students will no longer live there. It was quite sad and shocking news for all of us, and especially bittersweet knowing that 44 years of SMC Rome students living in the Tiz and interacting with the staff were coming to an end. I am beyond grateful to have had the opportunity to live there though, and to be the last group to ever do so.
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| Love my smick chicks! |
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| Our home <3 |
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| Dr. Prebys thanking hotel owner, Mr. Molinari for 44 years at the Tiziano |
After our closing banquet, final walks around the city, last minute packing, gelato at the Fridge, and a final coin toss in the Trevi to ensure our return, we exchanged tearful goodbyes to each other and to Roma. Since I've been back home, almost every day I look back through the pictures and relive the various memories of my experience. It almost doesn't even seem voluntary--it's like I'm automatically ALWAYS thinking about Rome. I could chalk it all up to post-study abroad blues that the average college student probably experiences. But I know that with SMC Rome, my smick chicks and I had something truly unique and special. A program that enabled us to live and study in the heart of the eternal city with countless places to explore right outside our doorstep. And with a setup like that, how could you not let Rome draw you in? The city and the memories we made within its walls are and will forever be ours.
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| Wishing for a quick return to the eternal city! |
Studying abroad for the whole year was the best decision I've ever made. Six months flew by way too fast, and I don't regret even a second of my time in Europe. The two semesters were very different from one another, but equally as fulfilling. First semester, I was super energetic and ready to go after a long summer of working and waiting. I met several new friends, lived with three other girls, and got to know Rome through lots of program tours and group trips. Second semester started out much more quietly, as I lived in a double and didn't have many close friends aside from Ana. I traveled more; took walks all the time and truly solidified by knowledge of Rome; spent days at a time at the Vatican; and through it all, came to know several new friends as well. It's impossible for me to choose which semester, trip, or group of friends was better, because honestly, it was all beyond incredible. 'Thank you' doesn't even begin to express my gratitude toward my family, my parents, friends (both back in the States and with me abroad), professors, Saint Mary's, and everyone who in some way or another was a part of my journey. God is so good!
Henry David Thoreau wrote that "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake" and I can say with 100% certainty that this year abroad has been just that--a real-life dream and the best, most fulfilling,
truest year of my life.
So here's to the adventure that is study abroad. To 4-day school weeks and jet-setting around Europe the other 3. To no cares in the world except what country you're going to visit next weekend. To sprinting to catch buses and trains at the last minute. To showing up in foreign cities without so much as a map and knowing none of the language.
Here's to living in a hotel like a real-life Eloise. To random roomie shenanigans. To doing laundry only 3 times per semester. To waking up for class 2 minutes before it starts. To professors who keep us laughing, even when they don't know it. To going out for pizza during philosophy class. To group trips and lectures that last a little too long. To Portia barking orders to "Disembark promptly" and "Charge!"
Here's to going to Pascucci 8 times a day and blowing through those little packets of Monopoly money. To Patrizio's caffe lattes. Eating bread with every meal at the Tiz because it's "not fattening." To drinking on the streets and being
expected to order wine with dinner. To being lured into wine and food at Giuseppe's. To roses and vino on the cobblestone streets. To gelato twice a day and cannoli for study breaks.
Here's to God's timing and witnessing history in the election of Papa Francesco. Waking up at insanely early hours and standing in line for several more at the Vatican. To the comfort of masses in our little chapel and Godsquad every Monday night.
Here's to late-night visits to the Trevi and eating panini at the Pantheon. To those weird sirens 800 times a day and dodging umbrella sellers at even the first drop of rain. To long walks around the city and purposely getting lost. To panoramic views of the city at sunset. To my sisterhood of Smick Chicks who made this experience as incredible as it was.
And finally, here's to Roma, for showing me what it means to be spontaneous, to find beauty in simplicity, and most of all, to feel truly at home.
Ti amo, Roma. I'll be seeing you. <3
"Rome has become a part of you--it belongs to you now. It will always be waiting for your return, and when you do, you will pick up right where you left off. It will always be your city."
